


Strike Back: Done And Dusted 2 - Directionless

by Rogue_Writer



Category: Strike Back
Genre: M/M, Michael Stonebridge/Damien Scott - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:29:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue_Writer/pseuds/Rogue_Writer





	Strike Back: Done And Dusted 2 - Directionless

**Damien, Finn and Michael’s time in Vegas only lasted a week. For the first couple of days it was fun and even relaxing but it did not take long before the bright lights became just lights. For all three of them under normal circumstances, it would have been embraced for as long as possible, however, for each of them, for different reasons, it became almost a type of white-line fever.**

**The days, everyday within that week, were days mostly filled with thoughtless actions. They were mindless actions really, doing for the sake of doing, no true purpose involved. It was time wasting at its finest. It was the nights, though, at least when they were not either feeling lost in Finn’s case, uncharacteristically drunk in Michael’s case or getting laid in Damien’s case; those were the times when any real and meaningful thoughts occurred. Those were the times when personal struggles would rise like an illuminating sun at midnight. Lying in bed alone in the dark, the desire to go to another room and talk to one or the other, these were the identical thoughts of three men, thoughts that were never acted upon.**

*******

**Finn was lying on his bed in the hotel room. Michael and Damien were down in the casino and it had given Finn some time to stop and really think. He had physically recovered from his ordeal on the other side of the world but there were a few things he could not simply sweep away. He may have been back to almost one hundred percent fitness, however, psychologically, the dreams that woke him every few nights, dreams of imprisonment and violence and blood, all surrounded by fear, told him there were now other issues he had to deal with as well. Within the midst of everything on his mind, it occurred to him that as much as he had idealized Vegas, it was not at all where he wanted to be.**

**Finn may have been young but it seemed during that week in Las Vegas, no matter what he did or where he went, he was still a prisoner of his mind. Maybe he would have taken to the city and enjoyed it more at another time, however, the weight of the secret he was carrying was becoming like an untreated illness. In addition, the experiences and circumstances of recent times had changed everything. It seemed he was suddenly growing up and subsequently, like it or not, he was seeing things from different perspectives. At sixteen, though, he was struggling with who he was and where he wanted to be. Unfortunately, unlike ever before, he was realizing other people were important to his equation. The problem was that everything seemed so hard and the thought of making the tough choices, seemed overwhelming in the face of turning his world around.**

**Though no one in his life was aware of what was going on with him, except for the one person that no one else knew about, his personal issues were driving him to wish his world were more settled. It was ironic because his choices and actions were taking him further into a life without the simplicity he wanted.**

**As Finn lay alone and he began to think, he had no idea that his following thoughts and memories were about to bring clarity to his uncertainty. During this time, though he had no idea it was what he was doing, his recollections became a form of self-analysis, which would help him come to terms with what was truly important to him.**

**Finn’s mind rolled back a couple of months. The initial memories were from a time when his life had seemed impossible. Finn had believed he had a problem, which to his fifteen-year-old mind felt frightening and overwhelming. He had thought that nothing could be worse while feeling nothing could be more important. A mountain stood in front of him and the idea he could face it, scale it and move beyond it, was a concept he could not imagine. His inaction began to consume his thoughts because what he believed was the correct course of action, was not a course he could easily embrace. As a consequence, he began to change.**

**Acting out was what the adults called it. Steeling his stepfather’s credit card, as well as a car, all on his sixteenth birthday and then taking off to San Diego for four days without telling anyone he was going, these were just some of the things he had done in his recent past. In retrospect, he knew it was because he was feeling like he was losing himself to something inside of him. It was a new part of him he wanted to give life to, however, it also filled him with fear and made him frustrated.**

**Before the rollercoaster ride of the last month even began to ascend the first hill, when he returned home, his mother and his stepfather confronted him for acting out of character. Instead of apologizing or explaining why, he got angry and screamed at them like everything was their fault. The looks on their faces as they tried to fathom what was wrong with him, made everything he was holding inside so much harder to deal with. In that moment as he looked at them, he felt so lost and yet the memory of what had taken place in San Diego, told him he now knew with absolute certainty, exactly who he was.**

**_“Just say the words,”_ he thought to himself while looking into his mother’s eyes but still he stormed away, went into his bedroom and slammed the door, refusing to speak to either of them before shutting down for days.**

**As the pressure grew until it seemed too much for him to cope with, excluding the revelation of what had happened in San Diego, the only other thing he could think about was the man that had called him a few months previous. On the day of that unexpected phone call, the man had spoken to him, told him his name was Damien Scott and that he was his father.**

**At the time, Damien had been little more than a picture in Finn’s head, as well as a locked cell of negative thoughts and attitudes; an identity Finn had long resented. Finn had spoken to the man a couple times since the first call and though the man seemed to somehow calm something inside of him, still he wanted to look that man in the eyes. He wanted to say something that would make that man feel the hurt he had been feeling for years. Later, he was even angrier because Damien had told him he would come to see him on his birthday but didn’t show.**

**Restlessly, Finn rolled on the hotel bed. Some things had changed over the last month but still he felt frustrated. One month ago his frustrations seemed to be all about one thing. During the passage of that month it seemed like he was wrong and what was frustrating him was about Damien. Now, though, following so many things that happened, he felt a little more at ease within but he also felt like he was somehow back where he had begun.**

**For some time, up until the last month began, his secret had been the determining factor that was directing his actions and his moods. He had felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and that soon his life would fall apart.**

**Following the confirmation of what happened in San Diego, one silent voice in his mind was now relentless. The voice kept telling him to stand up, to face the truth and to accept the path he was on. The problem was he had not wanted to risk telling the truth because the truth seemed like a monster that would devour him. Like a child, he wanted someone else to take his burden, someone to make it all go away. He wanted everything to be easy, like it had been when he was just a boy.**

**During the time he refused to speak to his mother and stepfather, Finn came up with an idea he thought might make things easier. He told himself that Damien would be a good patsy. He imagined he could palm his problem off to Damien and then take off and begin a new life. Finn’s idea was to tell Damien what an asshole he had been for leaving. He thought it would hurt his father and make him feel so bad that the man’s guilt would force a parental responsibility.**

**Finn hoped if he told his father his secret, Damien would then feel obligated to tell his mother the truth while revealing the secret for him. He thought that after he dumped it on Damien, he could return to San Diego before disappearing into an imagined new life. In the moments of those thoughts, he imagined he had found an easy way out. What he did not realize was that even though all his issues were real and affecting him, psychologically he was sewing them all together and creating an excuse so he could meet his father and talk to him.**

**Finn recalled how after coming up with the idea, during the early hours of the next morning, he decided spontaneously to initiate his idea. Knowing that Damien was in Thailand, Finn left a note for his mother, telling her he was going to see his father. His stepfather had still not realized his credit card was missing and so using what was left, Finn purchased a plane ticket and then boarded a flight to Thailand. Tonight, one month later, Finn knew it had been a foolish idea, even though back at the time it had seemed reasonable and even rational.**

**On this night, Finn knew with certainty that his thoughts and his solution had been childish. His mother had called his father and told him he was coming. Damien was waiting for him at the airport. The moment they lay eyes on each other, something happened inside of him. When he saw the look in Damien’s eyes, a look of regret and even pain, Finn silently wished that Damien would embrace him. He wanted Damien to say he was sorry and then tell him he loved him but instead, struggle and silent pauses surrounded them like an obstacle course.**

**The moment Finn started thinking about Damien and Thailand, the memories came flooding back with such clarity, they were like action replays in his mind. Finn recalled how Damien had tried to talk to him, tried to be nice to him but he had not been able to let go of his resentment or his desire to make Damien feel guilty.**

**In the beginning, as they were driving and the thoughts and silence were unbearable, Damien said, “I know this is weird for both of us, all right? Look, I don’t know what your mom told you about what happened between us…”**

**Before Damien had the chance to continue, Finn could not help but try to stick the knife in and so without a pause he replied with a resentful tone, “She got pregnant, you walked out, does that about cover it?”**

**In a way, though deep down Finn was hurting, still he felt like he had thrown a damaging punch. It really did not matter because only seconds later, Damien was ordering him to put his seatbelt on and then Finn realized something out of the ordinary was taking place around them.**

**“Put your fuckin’ seatbelt on. Now,” Damien repeated and then a motorbike and a car filled with men were chasing them.**

**When Damien started driving fast and when they turned off what seemed a fairly regular main road, soon after they were on what seemed like a country road and then Damien was on the phone to someone he called Mike. Finn heard Damien telling him they were in the car and that he had some heat on him. A moment later, as if everything were unreal, Finn found himself in the middle of a gun battle. He could not believe his fear and shock when suddenly Damien had a gun in his hand. He screamed, “What the fuck is that” and then Damien was yelling at him to put his head down.**

**Curled up on the passenger seat of what he had thought was a really cool, black Jeep, bullets were flying and ricocheting and he thought he was going to die. After crashing through a roadside safety rail, the Jeep was bouncing down what felt like a mountain and then it hit something and came to a dead stop. He was in a daze and then Damien was dragging him out of the vehicle and saying, “Come on, we’ve gotta move.”**

**Finn remembered how he had thought it was like something out of a movie. He remembered the fear and the confusion and how he had wished he were back in the safety of his home. When things began to quiet down, as they walked through a jungle, his next questions began conversations, which would change everything he would eventually believe about his father.**

**Finn asked, “Are they still after us?”**

**“Yeah, probably,” Damien replied. “We gotta find a phone, Dude. I gotta get on to my team.”**

**Finn asked as they continued to walk, “Why are they trying to kill you?”**

**“I don’t know, probably because of my job,” Damien replied.**

**Based on what his mother had told him, as well as what he had just experienced, Finn formed an instant conclusion that Damien was full of shit and said, “Because you’re an IT Consultant?”**

**“No. Is that what your mom told you, that I’m in IT? I’m a soldier, Finn.”**

**Stopping and turning, disbelievingly Finn said, “Seriously?”**

**“I am. Former US military. Sergeant Damien Scott. Special Forces, Delta, CIA. Now I’m working for British Intelligence.”**

**Finn yelled, “You think I’m going to believe that? I mean do I look stupid?”**

**“No. So what do you think I do for a living, Kid?”**

**“Come on. You’re in Bangkok on business, you’ve got a fuckin’ nine mil in the glove compartment and you’ve got gangsters trying to kill you. It’s obvious, Man.”**

**“What?”**

**“You’re a drug dealer,” Finn said.**

**Damien laughed with true amusement and replied, “Have you ever barked up the wrong tree, Kid?”**

**Finn was immediately irritated. He believed that Damien really thought he was an ignorant fool. With that thought, angrily he said, “You said we gotta move then we should move, it doesn’t mean we gotta talk.”**

**Over the next half hour as they walked through the jungle, Finn was frustrated with Damien. Not only had he thought he had confirmed his father was an asshole but he now thought he was a liar as well. The farther they walked and the more he thought about this man and his mother, the more resentful he was becoming. Finally he said, “The world didn’t stop just cause you left. Mom found someone else. Brought me up like his own. He’s a good guy.”**

**“Quiet,” Damien ordered.**

**Thinking Damien was replying to what he was telling him, Finn’s irritation increased and he walked up to him and said angrily, “What? Hey. Wait a minute. You were the one that walked out on us, all right? Do you have any idea how much of a mess Mom was? Huh? Just how much you fucked her life?”**

**Suddenly Damien’s hand was over his mouth and as Finn struggled while thinking Damien was trying to shut him up from speaking the truth, Damien forcibly turned his head to show him the gun-wielding thugs he had seen approaching through the jungle. Then Damien was telling him where to go and where to hide, before he left him alone in the trunk of a tree.**

**When one of the guys was suddenly pointing a gun in his face and Damien was not there to help him, he thought he was going to die. Instead, with a gun to his back he was being led while he was terrified of what would happen next. Suddenly, Damien was between them and beating the crap out of the guy, first with his fists and then with the guy’s gun, all while he watched in total disbelief. Armed with the man’s gun, Damien then shot and killed two more men and then told him to get behind him and start running.**

**After taking a drink of water from the glass beside his bed, Finn remembered how just before they exited the jungle where they found themselves on a beach, he had thought it seemed some things in life would be so much easier if they were kept a secret. He then remembered thinking, _“Maybe I should say nothing to anyone? Maybe I should keep it a secret and be like my father. Maybe I should just take off and disappear like he did?”_**

**When they reached the beach and he looked at Damien and considered everything that had just happened, he finally began to accept the reality of the man his father was.**

**Finn asked, “You’re really a soldier?”**

**“Yeah, I am. I’m not a drug dealer. I’m definitely not an IT consultant. I’m a soldier. I’m really good at it, too. Come on,” Damien said and walked on.**

**Following those circumstances, all too quickly Finn realized that the father he had created in his mind was not the man he was with in Thailand. It was the strangest feeling because for years he had built up his resentment toward Damien for leaving. The mental picture was of a cold and heartless man who did not care if he had a son. Finn’s accompanying attitude was that the man was an asshole who did not want to know him.**

**Staring up at the ceiling of the room, Finn remembered that in spite of everything, the look in Damien’s eyes in that first moment at the airport, told him there was a lot more going on inside the man, a lot more to what Damien was thinking as he saw him for the first time.**

**On that day when Finn met Damien, in spite of his few attempts to the contrary, he discovered how difficult it was to express his resentment because there was an odd feeling he could not dismiss. Finn knew it was because Damien was his real father. He wanted to know his father and he wanted to understand him and most of all, he wanted to talk to him.**

**Nothing, it seemed at the time, was ever going to work out the way Finn was hoping. Even so, whether Damien smiled at him, glared at him, tried to be nice to him or ordered him to do something, there was an underlying feeling of concern and responsibility in Damien’s eyes. The way Damien kept moving toward him but then backed off and also, the way he would lift his hand to touch his shoulder and then pull it away; there was within it all, a man that actually did care.**

**It was however, the conversation during the ride on the boat that took them off the beach, which dug deep into Finn’s soul and made him question not only his father but also his own motives. Finn remembered that conversation with equal clarity.**

**“You’re brave. You did good,” Damien said.**

**Finn asked, “Why are you so calm? You just killed three people and you’re acting like nothing happened.”**

**“Well, yeah, I did. They were coming at us with guns. They would’ve shot us. Coulda lost ya.”**

**It was not just those last three words; it was the tone of deep sincerity that caught Finn’s attention. Even so, the years of resentment still existed and so rather than embrace the sincerity like he wanted to, he pushed it away and asked, “Who were they?”**

**“Looked like Yakuza. Never seen ‘em before. Occupational hazard. Strangers trying to kill you without introducing themselves,” Damien said and laughed.**

**Not understanding Damien’s flippancy or how anyone could laugh at what had occurred, Finn asked, “You think this is funny?”**

**“Yeah. You got to develop a sense of humor to deal with that shit,” Damien replied.**

**“Er, no, you… No, you don’t. Normal people don’t. How many… How many have you killed?”**

**Damien’s expression and particularly his eyes altered before he turned his head and looked away. Finn perceived the expression as what he could only describe as pain and regret. However, he was still struggling to wrap his mind around the events and so he said, “You know what? I’m starting to think it was a good idea you never stuck around.”**

**“Look, Kid. I know I’m an asshole. I ran out. And if I could, I’d run back sixteen years and kick my own ass. I deserve it. I don’t blame you for hating me. What I don’t understand is why you came all this way just to tell me. You could’ve just picked up the phone and said ‘Fuck you.’”**

**Finn remembered how that statement had brought all of his thoughts to a halt. He remembered how he had looked at Damien and he knew he was right. All of a sudden he was not so angry after all. It was the moment he realized his choice and his actions were not about his secret and not about his mother and stepfather and instead, they were all about his real father.**

**After a time of quiet contemplation, Finn finally piped up following searching for some reason he thought would make sense and he said, “You asked me why I came here. You see, my dad, Marcus; he’s always been there for me. Every time I mess up he’s always on my side.”**

**“Your mom told me you messed up. Got wasted and stole a car on your birthday,” Damien said.**

**“No, Damien, I stole Marcus’s credit card. I maxed it out, fuckin’ blew the lot. I can’t go back.”**

**“Look, Kid… People don’t mess up because they’re bad or evil. They only mess up ‘cause that’s what people do. If your da… If Marcus, is as good as you say he is, he’ll know that. You can go back. Trust me.”**

**Surprised but specifically amused by the words that had left his own mouth, Damien started to laugh and as he stood up to walk into the cabin of the boat, Finn looked at him while wanting to know what was funny and asked, “What?”**

**“Ah,” Damien said and paused.**

**Finn asked again, “What?”**

**It’s my first piece of parental advice. I nailed it,” Damien said and laughed again, as he walked away.**

**“Oh, fuck you,” Finn said in a low tone and then turned and said, “You’re an asshole.”**

**“Yeah. I know a lot of people who’d probably agree with you,” Damien replied and laughed again.**

**Finn smirked as he lay on his bed in the hotel. He understood all those circumstances and conversations now. While he could not have known back then, now he knew that Damien was a decent man and pretty cool.**

**Finn’s mind and his recollections did not end there, though. He now recalled how soon enough, all this other shit happened that he became entangled in. For a short time he had felt okay. Damien and Michael had gone off on some mission, Thailand was not too bad and Damien’s friends or co-workers were keeping an eye on him until his dad returned. Finn was doing some thinking and trying to decide what his next choices should be and then all of a sudden, men with guns were chasing him.**

**For what seemed like such a long time, which began with his kidnapping, Finn literally and figuratively found himself in a strange and foreign world. He was imprisoned in North Korea with soldiers physically treating him like he was a sack of potatoes. There was also some crazy bitch with a kind voice but with coldness in her eyes. At the time, with the new knowledge that his father was a soldier and because of what was happening, suddenly his mind caused him to do something he never thought he would do - to beg for his father to come and save him.**

**Finn remembered how he had never felt more alone in his life. He was so afraid. It was a fear he could never have imagined. Later, he was shunted along corridors and down stairs, into another room and forced to sit down. When the bag was pulled off his head, there were Damien and Michael but both also captive, tied up and seated in chairs in front of him.**

**“Finn,” Damien had said, as his shocked eyes became fearful.**

**“Damien,” Finn replied, his terror and his emotions turning his voice almost to a whisper.**

**“It’s going to be okay,” Damien said but in spite of the tone in his voice, his eyes were pained and sick with uncertainty.**

**Then the crazy bitch began to talk again, not that he really heard what she said. A moment later he watched a single tear roll from his father’s eye before he told the bitch to shut up.**

**“I’m sorry,” Damien said as his eyes returned to his, “It’ll be okay, I promise.”**

**Unexpectedly Finn heard the sound. It was that blatant and obvious sound of the metal of a handgun being slid to load the bullet into the chamber. The fear was instant as it ran through his body, the certainty of death filling his mind and then the sight of Damien’s face. Then came Damien’s words, “No,” followed by “Put the gun down! Put the fucking gun down” and then Finn felt the cold, hard muzzle of the gun against his head. Then the bitch was counting.**

**As he lay on his bed, Finn was reliving the moments with ferocity. It was no longer just recollection; he was there, in the past and he could not break free. His body was flinching on the mattress, his muscles contracted and his eyes squeezed shut, as he waited for the sound of the shot. He realized he was not breathing and as he gasped for breath he heard the memory of Damien’s voice that said, “Stop! I’ll say whatever you want. I mean it. I’ll say whatever.”**

**Finn opened his eyes and exhaled heavily and remembered how at that moment, as he stared into Damien’s crying and begging eyes, the man was truly his father.**

**Regardless of the fear at his core and of the terror and the horror, there was also a sense of wonder and pride in his father’s honest display. In those moments he was in a tornado and he had no real idea where he was going to land.**

**Michael’s verbal attack saved him, saved them all. The speed that Michael and Damien moved, as well as the actions and outcome were both phenomenal and unbelievable. Amidst flying fists and bodies and bullets, as he found himself on the floor, he saw the gun that had been pressed to his head, lying in front of him. Then he was reaching for it and then it was in his hand. Then he was angry, really angry, as he stood up, turned and glared at the bitch and then he was pointing the gun at her.**

**For a moment he was about to pull the trigger but then there was an unexpected internal dialogue, something to do with murder and right and wrong. In a split-second Damien was saying his name, Damien’s hand was on him, holding him, telling him to let go of the gun. Even after he released it, how the anger and the hatred of that woman made him still want her dead.**

**Suddenly the scene changed but the emotions, though slightly less intense, remained the same. Then, Damien was handing the gun back to him and asking if he knew how to use it. When he told his father no, Damien gave him a quick lesson and told him if anyone pissed him off, to point the gun and shoot. In his mind, he thought it strange his father was giving him permission to shoot another human being but then, as the true nature of what was going on suddenly reoccurred to him, he knew his father was doing everything to try to protect him. A moment later in constant stop start movements, he was rushing and everything seemed a blur. Then he shot some stranger, some soldier.**

**Finn remembered as the movie played in his mind, how he had wanted to collapse. His body felt drained of energy and yet it was shaking. He wanted to cry and there were even tears in his eyes but he was too afraid and too confused for any natural reaction to take priority.**

**When he felt Damien’s hands gripping his face and neck and telling him he had no choice, all he could think was this bleeding human being was still alive while gurgling blood in his throat. Damien pushed him and said, “Go to Mikey” and as he began to move, he heard the sound of Damien completing the job and he knew the soldier was dead.**

**Every time he felt his father’s big hands on him, touching him, he felt a sense of love and protection but it just made no sense in the circumstances he was in. He could not breathe and he was confused and then even while free to run and to try to get away, still he was so shit-scared. His mind was not really functioning, not the way it usually did. He was suddenly in a vehicle, then there was another gun battle and then he was in the back of a different vehicle and he was bleeding. He wanted everything to stop and he wanted to throw up.**

**Finn knew there was a blank spot in his mind where everything halted. First his dad was pulling him out of the vehicle and carrying him and then he was in a hospital and on a bed. He remembered looking at Damien and hearing him say, “He’s my son.” Damien walked over and kissed him hard on the forehead and he felt truly loved. Then everything went blank.**

**With the void now an assumed scenario of how they got out of North Korea, still he remembered dreaming of the sounds of bullets during another chase, flashes of being inside a helicopter and then much later, the sound of distant voices. The next memory was of seeing his father, his real father, walking into another hospital room and asking how he was doing?**

**Finn remembered looking at Damien standing beside his hospital bed and thinking his father was a fucking god and a fucking hero. He remembered deciding he had to stay with him, he had to know him and he had to understand.**

**“Finn, I’m sorry for everything that happened,” Damien had said at his bedside.**

**“Forget it. I don’t know anyone else’s dad that would have done what you did for me.”**

**“Wow. That’s the first time you’ve called me Dad,” Damien said proudly.**

**It was that moment, a quiet and few thoughtful seconds between them; sincere smiles with loving, respectful eyes, which Finn knew would remain in his memory forever.**

**Damien smirked and said, “Makes me feel kind of old.”**

**“You are old,” he replied with a grin and Damien laughed.**

**Thoughtfully, Damien said, “You’ve got all these dads making promises to their kids they can’t keep, telling them they’ll take them fishing on the weekends, then they can’t because of work…”**

**“You’ve gotta work,” Finn had interrupted disappointedly.**

**“Yeah. When this is all done, when I’ve got a chance, we’re going to do this properly. I love getting to know you, Finn.”**

**Finn twisted on the hotel bed and turned and stared at the bedroom door. He smiled, knowing that later Damien would return to the hotel room and effectively be outside his door again. Understanding how that made him feel, yet again he recalled the words, “He’s my son” and then he smiled once more.**

**Inadvertently, his mind switched to the first night of his arrival in San Diego. Distracted by the memory, Finn recalled how he had felt so alone in that place, a place he went to for no other reason then to escape his world and his life and the pressure. To this day, Finn still did not know why he had chosen San Diego, although, now it seemed as if it were destiny – a choice that was meant to be.**

**Subsequently, now picturing the face and the lips he had kissed, he remembered how he felt when those lips had kissed back. It had been a consuming feeling when the body had melted into his, submitting to him, allowing him to feel those feelings for the very first time. He had felt the tangible draining away of the pressure, an overwhelming relief from that pressure, which had felt until that moment like it was devouring him.**

**San Diego could not have been any more random a choice if he had wanted it to be. Still, when he gatecrashed some random party with teenagers spilling out onto the lawn and onto the street, everything changed. It changed his life and it changed his view of himself but it also made everything seem both better and worse.**

**Returning to the present, so much time had past and here he was back in the States, in Las Vegas, with his father and his father’s partner, another man he truly respected. Another sidetracking thought confirmed he did not understand Damien and Michael’s relationship. Still, he also could not dismiss his sneaking suspicion that Damien and Michael were closer than they seemed. He wondered if that were the reason his father had left him before he was born. It was just a thought but it was not a thought that he could confirm.**

**In Finn’s mind, the problem with that thought was that Damien was always flirting with and picking up women. For the last few nights and even during the day, Damien had fucked several women like it was the last item on his bucket list. At different times, Damien seemed to him like he was just some sex-starved man without the ability to commit or to settle down. At other times, though, the need and the sincerity and the emotion were so obvious when Damien looked at Michael. Finn could not help but think that one side of his dad was a façade. Something did not quite add up.**

**Then there was Michael. At times Michael seemed like a mute. Sometimes it was like he was right there but not there at all. When required, Michael always had a lot to say and it was usually important and poignant but for the rest of the time, he thought that Michael was like the person at the party who felt like he was a fifth wheel and stood alone in the corner all night long.**

**One important point for Finn was the occasions he saw Michael looking at Damien when Michael thought no one was watching. He thought he saw such care, such concern and such respect in Michael’s eyes, however, because he really did not know Michael that well, he never felt certain. Those things in someway belied but in another way justified, what he could only describe as looks of love. On the occasions when he saw almost the same looks from his dad toward Michael and particularly when he heard the name Mikey; those were times when he was sure his instincts were right.**

**For Finn, no matter what he was thinking in those moments or during those times of intimate looks, there still seemed to be no certainty regarding the truth. He shook the thoughts of Damien and Michael away and let his mind move back to himself.**

**_“I want to stay and be with my dad but I don’t want to stay in Vegas and I don’t want to be on the run and never stop moving. I’ve heard them talking about riding around and keeping out of harms way. I know it might be fun and a bit of an adventure while I get to know my dad but let’s face it, there’s somewhere else I want to be,”_ he thought.**

**Following his journey through the memories of the past month or so, even though all of the pressure was still there to some extent, he knew that during his first couple of days in Vegas with Damien and Michael, he was now feeling a little more at ease. Something about being with Damien settled him. He knew he still had to sort things out, he still had to make some decisions and more than anything, he knew he had to face the truth.**

**Finn closed his eyes and within the brief respite, he drifted into sleep.**

*******

**Hours later, Damien walked an attractive woman out of his bedroom and directly to the hotel room door. He saw her out despite her dissatisfaction from being asked to leave. He closed the door and turned around but immediately, he knew he felt no satisfaction from what had been for all intents and purposes, a good fuck. Returning to his bedroom, he looked at the clock as he fell onto the bed. Realizing it was four-fifteen in the morning, he wondered, considering how physically pumped he felt, if he would get any sleep at all.**

**Where Damien was concerned, usually when he was on leave, he always knew that eventually he had to go back. For the first time since becoming part of Section Twenty, suddenly there was nothing waiting for him, nowhere to go back to, which gave him the sense of being without gravity. He was floating with no ability to move directly. He knew the feeling so well. It was the feeling he experienced after his bullshit dishonorable discharge from Delta while living off the money made from fighting for Hong in Kuala Lumpur. The difference was that his time in Malaysia allowed him to wait on jobs as a mercenary, traveling around and doing the shit jobs no military would do.**

**Here and now, though, he was not waiting for something, there was no one to shoot or beat the crap out of and additionally, some part of him felt obligated to do what he had been recently thinking he should have done years ago - spending time with his son. At least, that is, if he had not walked out on Kelly Foshay when he got her pregnant sixteen years ago. Deep down, Damien was ashamed and felt angry that he had not been there for Finn. He wondered about the true nature of Finn’s feelings and also the extent of what Finn really thought.**

**Following the first couple of days in Vegas, Damien also felt like he was brim filled with energy but with nowhere to release what was building up inside of him. In part, it was the reason for the trail of women he had brought back over the last three days and nights but still, he wondered, _“Where was the god dammed release, other than the come in the condoms in the bedside bin?”_**

**All of these women in Vegas had not been like all the other women he fucked around the world. It was why after he had satisfied them and blown his load, he just wanted them gone. Every time he rode some woman and then looked down into her eyes, he kept seeing other women’s faces. Mainly he saw Rebecca and Julia but then there were the faces of random women from different times during different missions. Tonight, though, that had changed as well. Tonight, when he saw the women’s faces in his mind, he had closed his eyes to stop it from happening; however, he then heard the names of three men from an even deeper place inside. To Damien, it all seemed so fucked up.**

**Though two of the names were men who held very important places inside of him, those two men were from his past and he thought they were irrelevant to whatever was going on with him during this time. The third name, though, he knew was perhaps one of the most important names he had ever said. The person who belonged to that name held an imperative place in his heart.**

**Trying to stop these thoughts by changing position and rolling onto his back, Damien thought of Finn and he smiled. Finn always gave him a good feeling, regardless of whether he was seeing him, talking to him or just thinking about him. Somehow his son seemed like a lost limb he had found and managed to re-attach. He thought it was an odd thought, considering the short time he had known him.**

**Considering Finn, Damien thought of the remark Michael had made to him hours earlier in the evening. Michael had suggested that Finn was not happy and even restless. Damien wondered what more he could do? Finn had told him he had always wanted to go to Las Vegas. Damien had made that happen and for at least the first couple of days, his son’s handsome face had contained a huge smile all of the time. After Michael had nudged his attention, though, Damien looked at Finn, saw the distance in his eyes and also the impassive expression and he knew that Michael was right. Damien thought he needed to work on fixing the problem as soon as possible.**

**With Michael now indirectly on his mind, Damien gave his mate full attention. Michael seemed different. He was or at least seemed on the detached side. He was keeping to himself, often staying in his room or going out whenever Finn and he were together in the main room. Michael was also always hesitant when the offer was made to join them at a restaurant or for some other entertainment. It was becoming clear to Damien that Michael was trying to make Finn and him share some quality time alone and it had worked. Finn and he had been getting on really well and Finn was also not averse to giving him a hug, which Damien had to admit he loved.**

**The problem with this self-removing exercise was that Damien wanted Michael in the picture. He wanted him to get closer to Finn as well. Not that there was any distance between Finn and Michael, it was just that Damien had wanted the three of them to be more like a family. He knew where that thought was coming from, even though he thought it was impossible. However, when Finn questioned him with a somehow injured tone of voice, why Michael did not want to spend more time with them, it bothered Damien. As a consequence, Damien thought he needed to have a chat with Michael.**

**A grin crossed Damien’s face from the thought. Michael was never a big talker or one to interact heavily with people. Sure he could do it but when things got personal, Michael preferred to withdraw slightly and keep everyone at arms distance.**

**Damien thought that the only time Michael was any different was when the job required it or when in private, on some occasional mission, Michael initiated one of their rare though superficial hook-ups. Damien’s thoughtful expression became mischievous from his instant memories. His hand slid beneath the sheet and he caressed his growing hardness. It was an emotional action and a lustful action but unlike with the woman he had fucked earlier, this time he was more relaxed and after he ejaculated again, his mind quieted and he fell into a deep and dream-filled sleep.**

*******

**Michael was lying in bed and though he was tired, he was still wide-awake. He had spent the last ninety minutes listening to the muffled sounds of Damien fucking another woman. He had left Damien in the bar an hour prior to Damien’s return, hoping he would fall asleep and not have to listen to what he had been listening to every night. It had not worked, though. Instead, he had lay on the bed waiting for Damien to come back, only feeling relieved when he did. The feelings soon changed when he heard the whispering of another woman’s voice.**

**Michael was feeling trapped inside himself. _“This is not who I am,”_ he thought. Michael knew it made him wish he had an AK-47 in his hand and that he was surrounded and in another no-win situation. The only problem with that was Damien was always at his side in those situations, cracking jokes and with that goddamned grin on his face in spite of the seriousness in his eyes.**

**As he listened to Damien close the door and he knew that the woman was gone, Michael felt a sense of satisfaction. He wondered if Finn were awake and listening as well? Michael thought it seemed a little inappropriate for Finn to be subjected to his father’s pussy-whore actions but the thing was that Finn did not seem to care. Finn had seen what was happening and he seemed to react like it was the most normal thing in the world. The only thing that Michael had noticed was an odd look, which he received from Finn; a pointed look that was something of a mix between curiosity and sadness, before it became a look of dismissal of whatever Finn was thinking.**

**It seemed to Michael that Finn had become well aware of what his father was like. The last few days had seen Damien fucking random women like there would be no tomorrow. Finn had taken to joking with his father in the mornings during breakfast; one morning telling Damien he should start charging for his services and setting up a trust account, which Finn could inherit when he turned eighteen. They had laughed together before Damien had given Finn a soft slap across the back of his head. Damien then told his son he had to save his own money and then take care of his father when he was too old and infirm to look after himself. Michael thought the father and son were made for each other.**

**Regardless, Michael hated the sounds of Damien’s encounters. In all the years he had known Damien, never had it affected him like it did now. He knew why it bothered him but Michael felt it was his own fault for choosing to go after him and for following him to Vegas; for choosing to stay with Damien and for believing he was strong enough to push all the feelings aside.**

**There was one thing, at least within a combination of small things, which kept Michael there and holding on to possibilities. Damien always looked at Michael with that smile. Not the Cheshire grin, even though that cheeky grin was often directed at him during their days and nights together. Rather, it was a sincere smile from Damien, an expression that showed he was pleased that Michael was with him and at his side.**

**In addition to Damien, Finn seemed to be going out of his way to make him feel like he was part of the equation, even if only to acknowledge him, ask his opinion or invite him to join them when they went out for lunch or on some excursion together. Michael truly liked Finn and he could feel a connection growing with him, sort of like family. On a couple occasions, Michael had imagined with a fleeting thought, Finn would be a great son.**

**On Michael’s part where this whole Vegas situation was concerned, he felt like some part of him had been amputated. In a fundamental way, he had always been a soldier and now that limb was gone. This normal world, a world in which he felt irrelevant, gave him little to fill his mind with, other than concerns for Damien and Finn or whether he should bet on red or black.**

**Michael needed a greater purpose, a target to search for and achieve and all he kept thinking about was going toe-to-toe with a terrorist and using an enemy’s body to beat the desires out of his own heart and mind. To make matters worse, Damien was fucking women twice as much as he usually did and also, Damien seemed like he was approaching a point where he would explode. Michael was on alert, knowing he wanted to be there for his mate while also protecting Finn from whatever was going on in Damien’s mind. Michael thought he needed to have a quiet sit-down with his friend.**

**Sighing, knowing that his need to look after Damien now extended to Finn as well, he wondered if he was capable. When they were all together, Michael watched the two of them studiously, trying to gain an understanding of their moods, of what he thought they needed and particularly of what he thought was going on inside of their heads. He knew that being together was good for them both but individually, Michael could see that both were holding shit in. He was not sure what the issues were that each was concealing, he simply knew they were hiding something and more and more he could see they were like two peas in a pod. The son was definitely an emotional reflection of the father.**

**A distracting thought went through Michael’s mind, the desire to slide from his bed and go to Damien’s room. Everyday these feelings were becoming stronger, which only made these nights ten times worse. He clenched his fists, pushed them into his closed eyes and forced himself to subdue the desired growl of frustration. Aggressively, he flung his body onto his side, pulled a pillow over his head and begged he could force himself to sleep.**

*******

**Two days later Damien stood silently staring at his son. He recalled telling Finn that he liked getting to know him. Now, though, it occurred to him that he did not really know him any better. They were spending time together and they were even talking and enjoying each other’s company, however, he felt he was not learning anything new or of value. He kept telling himself he should ask Finn questions and talk directly to him but the hesitation was holding him back.**

**It had become an issue to Damien that he still did not know who his son was. He did not know what Finn’s hopes for the future were and sometimes the young man seemed outside his reach. He often looked at Finn and wondered about the type of life his son wanted to live.**

**The problem was that while Damien could face an entire army with their guns trained on him, Finn was like an alien that unsettled him to his core. He loved Finn and he knew it. He wanted to spend time with Finn and there was no doubting it. Unfortunately, talking openly with his son was a scary proposition because he wanted Finn to like him but was afraid he would fuck it up.**

**Damien was so busy worrying about how to act and speak with his son that he was missing some obvious signals. The whole parental concept had become a mountain of insecurity. The only time he felt at ease was when they were laughing and joking superficially or passing time generally.**

**When Michael suggested to Damien that it might be time to move on, explaining that Finn seemed restless and unsettled; Damien took notice and soon he was seeing it too. It was now their sixth day in Vegas and as he turned and looked at Finn, he decided now was as good a time as any.**

**Not wanting to put any form of pressure on his son, he sat down with Finn that day and using some reverse psychology, he told Finn he felt like leaving Vegas and going somewhere else. Damien saw the instant brightening in Finn’s eyes and so he asked Finn if he had any ideas where they could go?**

**Finn suggested, “What about somewhere on the west coast, right on the ocean?”**

**Damien could see that Finn, at least in essence, was still a kid of sorts and probably needed a home and a foundation from where he could build a life and mature. He wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders and said, “Sounds good, Finn. I guess we could get ourselves a house and settle down for a while? I don’t want to tie you down or anything, though, so if you don’t want to do that…” he trailed off purposely, leaving an opening for Finn.**

**“No, Dad, that sounds great. I mean I love hanging out with you and Michael but it’s been a while since I’ve been with guys my own age and I think I’d like to get back to a sort of normal life, at least, for a while.”**

**Damien said, “Well, I guess that would sort of work out for both of us. What do you say we take off tomorrow?”**

**“Yeah, Dad, sure,” Finn said, thinking he was getting his way while making his father happy.**

**Damien asked, “Any thoughts on specifically where we should go?”**

**Finn offered, a little too quickly, “San Diego?”**

**“San Diego it is,” Damien said and Finn gave him a large smile.**

**Damien looked up and saw Michael watching from the kitchen of the hotel suite. He winked at Michael and nodded that he had been right about Finn. Michael smiled back and then disappeared from sight. Standing up and leaving Finn in front of the television watching music videos, Damien walked into the kitchen and leaned against the bench and stared at Michael.**

**“I didn’t see it. If it weren’t for you, Mikey, I wouldn’t have known,” Damien said softly.**

**“Damien, don’t be so hard on yourself. You handled that better than I would’ve. That was really smart the way you drew him in and made him let you know what he wanted.”**

**“Mike, all in all I’m just a soldier and I don’t have much of a clue about being a father. I want to be Finn’s father but I’m worried I’m going to fuck it up. I’ve been worried about it since I first told you about Finn’s existence. He makes me happy and he makes me proud but I’m sure that eventually he’s going to look at me and think I’m just a dick that doesn’t know his ass from his elbow, when it comes to parenthood,” Damien admitted.**

**“Damien, do you even see the way he looks at you? You’re like a superhero to him, like some sort of Captain-fucking-America. He meets you, gets chased under gunfire, he gets kidnapped, shot and taken on the scariest yet greatest adventure of his life and it’s all because of his dad. Damien, Finn loves you and idolizes you and if you walked away you’d destroy him. He wants you in his life so badly, he was willing to say nothing and pretend everything was fine so he could stay with you. Even though he loves them, he doesn’t want to go back to his mother or to a stepfather who is the lowest possible rendering of you. Damien, you’re amazing, so wake up and smell the coffee,” Michael said.**

**“Thanks, Mikey. Wow, that was fucking amazing and I appreciate the vote of confidence but as I said, I’ve got you to thank for making this work.”**

**Michael stepped closer and squeezed Damien’s shoulder and said, “Anything you need, Damien, anytime and anywhere.”**

**Damien looked into Michael’s eyes and was captured by the intensity of the gaze looking back. Michael blinked and stepped back, pulling his hand away from Damien’s shoulder and then he turned and said, “I need to hit the head,” before he walked out of the kitchen and went to the bathroom.**

**Damien took two steps and watched Michael walking away. He had the oddest feeling as if Michael was fleeing from a personal issue but as he looked at the broad shoulders and the long, muscular back being gripped by a tight t-shirt, he could not help but let his eyes drop down to that ass. _“Damn,”_ he thought.**

*******

**Two days later, the three men were renting a three-bedroom house on the beach in San Diego. From the moment they left the hotel in Vegas, Finn’s mood immediately pepped up. When they found the house and moved in, Finn was instantly all smiles and constantly on the go. Living on a beach gave him the freedom with a foundation that he needed and he was up early and out of the house as fast as he could make it happen. Over the following week it was the same everyday and if he was not on the beach he was taking off and wandering around San Diego or doing whatever it was he wanted to do.**

**Michael was awake but he still had not left his bedroom. He stood at the window, watching as Finn took off down the beach, walking fast like there was somewhere he needed to be and someone he needed to see.**

**With a slow movement of his head, his gaze turning to stare out over the water, Michael’s thoughts turned to the intensity of his feelings for Damien. He was certain his feelings were real and true but on some level it still made little sense to him. He sighed with frustration and then walked back to his bed and let his body drop onto the mess of sheets. He had not slept properly in nearly two weeks and every night he tossed and turned until his top sheet twisted and eventually looked like a snake.**

**Michael began to question the man he really was. In his mind, at the heart of himself, he was just a soldier, a badass, kick-ass soldier, who had somehow managed to come through some of the most difficult missions in some of the worst places on earth. He thought briefly of Damien coming to his rescue with the antidote for the fucked-up strain of smallpox, just in the nick of time.**

**_“I should be dead, there but for D,”_ he thought and then smiled regarding his recently adopted term of endearment for Damien, which he believed he would never say out loud.**

**Michael knew he had saved Damien’s ass as well but it was not about who did what or how many times. It was about the fact that Damien was always there for him and would never let him down. He thought that Damien could be an ass at times but the fact was, there was no one on earth who cared about him as much and there was no one on earth that he cared about as much either.**

**Letting his mind roll back in time, Michael thought about Kerry. He considered that he loved her, at least in a way that was meaningful, however, in the past few years he had begun to realize that the picture had never been what it had seemed. She came into his life when he was so young and immature. Basically they had been like the concept of school sweethearts who had wanted the future sooner rather than later. What neither of them realized was that they wanted different things. They filled a space for each other over a long period of time and for a good portion of that time they were married.**

**“I did love her, I really did,” he whispered what seemed like a justification.**

**Very few people had known there was a problem between them and the ones that did know were Kerry’s family and friends. It hurt Michael that Kerry saw Section Twenty as an obstruction to their marriage and then that she gave him the ultimatum of family or work. No matter how many times he tried to explain to her that he was a soldier to his core and that he needed to do it and to fight against the assholes in this world, still she could not grasp the importance to him and nor was she willing to back down.**

**What no one had realized was that there was something more to it as well. Even Kerry had not realized it. Michael could play the role when necessary but the truth was that out in the world he was a man and a badass but when he was at home, he just wanted to be loved and treated with some degree of tenderness. He did not want to play the sex-starved soldier in bed every night. He did not want to be like some glorified porn star that would fuck her into some orgasmic oblivion. What he really needed was a lover to take him and dominate him while also loving him. He had never said anything to anyone but that was how he felt and what he wanted.**

**Kate immediately came to mind. She was like a man in bed. When Kate fucked him, she fucked him like he belonged to her. She took him and she took him like a wild woman. She loved him, she desired him and she understood him like Kerry could not. Kate seemed perfect and he really felt like it would be right to leave Kerry and start something with Kate. He had actually come to the point where he was going to leave Kerry but then that Irish bastard, Daniel Connolly, murdered Kate.**

**Not a typical man, at least in the respect of what many people stereotyped men to be, Michael did not think and exist according to his cock. He imagined and wanted a traditional life where sex and love and relationships were concerned. He wanted that while also being supported in his career as a Special Forces soldier. He knew it was asking a great deal of a lover and a partner but he believed it was obtainable with the right person.**

**Random sex or anonymous sex were not what he was about. Sure he could do it and occasionally did but most often when he was with Damien. However, the truth was he was a man of substance who was seeking substance with one person. When he did engage in random sex, these days it was almost always a threesome with Damien. He knew the reason why and he believed Damien had no idea. He also thought Damien would not want to know that truth.**

**Michael remembered Damien arriving at Section Twenty not long before everything began to fall apart. He had hated that Damien worked it out and knew he was fucking Kate behind Kerry’s back. He hated it when Damien stuck his nose in and told him to think about what he was doing and to make a choice. It made him want to knock Damien on his ass. Then Kate died and soon after, Kerry died as well.**

**Michael remembered that for several months following, he was falling apart. He wanted to scream, he wanted to hit something or someone and he even wanted to die. More than anything, though, he wanted to kill Hanson. He had wanted so badly to kill Connolly but be damned if just as he was about to pull the fucking trigger, the bastard did not turn and ask Colonel Grant to do it. The raging fire inside him remained scalding but it never got to burn the way he wanted it to burn.**

**Soon after, he was practically ready for a padded cell. His mind was going off the rails and his heart was fanning that incessant fire inside of him. He was making mistakes, he was fucking up and all his incredible training was not worth shit. He wanted Hanson so badly, he wanted to rip him to shreds and tear him limb from limb.**

**Michael recalled that Damien noticed almost immediately. Damien could see all was not right when no one else could. Damien started getting on his back about his behavior and suddenly he could see his own denial, his own bullshit and self-deception. He was fooling everyone else and it was easy to fool himself but be damned if he could fool Damien.**

**_“Yeah, that was when everything began to change. That was the time when I really began to see the way Damien treated me like his best friend in the world. He wasn’t just a fucking great partner, he was like the best friend I’d ever had. Hell, after that, the name Mikey began to mean something more to me. It caused a shift inside of me. That’s when I started looking at him differently._ **

**_“Mission after mission I felt better and stronger. It was like Damien pulled me out of the hurt. Somehow he managed to drag me through the loss of Kate and Kerry and my unborn child. He was like the spine in my body keeping me upright. Now, all these years later, Damien has become my world,”_ he thought.**

**Michael sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the mattress until the soles of his feet were flat on the floor. He stood up with a look of shock on his face. He felt like he had just answered most of his questions. Not all of his questions but most. Everything seemed to make more sense, now that he had put things into a chronological and more detailed order.**

**An introspective man, it was how he came to grips with things. He needed to be able to explain things in his head. He needed everything to make sense so he could continue to move forward and believe he was doing the right thing. To some degree, Michael felt like he had just achieved an essence of the clarity he needed.**

**Reaching for his shorts, he slid them on and then pushed his feet into his runners. He felt tightness throughout his body and so he decided he needed to run. He moved quickly out of his room and was pleased that Damien had still not awoken or left his room. He left the house, walked onto the beach and then turning in the opposite direction that Finn had taken, he took off, running hard, until a good two hundred meters later, he let his legs ease back and he continued along the sand at a regular jog.**

*******

**Damien’s eyes drew slowly open from sleep. His first thought was that he had dreamt the dream again.**

**Dragging his naked body out of his bed, Damien looked down at the gauze that covered the wound at his waist where he had been shot. He peeled the corner back and then ripped it away fast. He flinched slightly and then slid his thumb over the spot. It had healed nicely; the skin had knitted together leaving a thick but small scar. He tossed the gauze into the small bin beside the bed and then seeing yesterday’s briefs near his feet, he dragged them up his legs and tucked himself into them comfortably, before walking to his bedroom door.**

**After taking a piss and cleaning his teeth and deciding he would shower later, he walked through the house. Looking into the other bedrooms, he was not surprised that Finn was gone again but he did wonder what his son was up to everyday. Sometimes he felt an urge to be parental and to question in a responsible manner, however, he always stopped himself immediately, believing he had no right to a role he had never had to assume.**

**What did surprise Damien, as the silence of the house became a roar in his mind was that Michael was not around either. There did not seem to be a problem but still Michael’s presence in the house was enigmatic at best. Damien was beginning to feel like he was living with a ghost. It was pissing him off in a way because he missed his mate and he had hoped that while Finn was off like some nomadic Australian Aborigine on walkabout, at least he could be spending some time with Michael.**

**Damien thought that even though he was happy to be with Finn and Michael, at the same time, in a way he was bored out of his mind. He wished he could turn back time and go back to the days with Colonel Grant or even Phillip Locke. He missed the missions and the danger and the adrenalin but most of all, he missed all the times alone with Michael.**

**Almost a random thought as he stood making himself a coffee, Damien remembered the dream that was now happening more and more. It was always the same dream of that same, actual event. It was so damned real that the moment he fell asleep, the moon broke through the treetops with the regularity of a Swiss timepiece. The night was the same, so hot and so humid and that fucking jungle, which could have been any random jungle but was always Caquetá.**

**All of it was of no importance. What mattered, the only thing that mattered was Michael’s fully clothed body pressed against his back. It was Michael’s arms around his body, one hand inside his shirt and toying with a nipple while Michael’s other hand pulled his cock, as it stretched thick and hard in Michael’s hand.**

**_“Holy shit,”_ Damien thought and shook his head, as his unrevealed desire for Michael crawled back to the front of his mind. Then and there in the kitchen, his cock grew hard again.**

**All of the random sex with all the random women was great but none of it held a candle to the way he felt during the dream with Michael. He was beginning to realize why the dream was so different. On that one night in Colombia, unlike the other rare encounters he and Michael had engaged in around the world, that night they had both let go, really let go and kissed each other like lovers.**

**The dream usually ended when he blew into Michael’s hand but in reality, on that night, as he was coming in Michael’s hand, he turned in Michael’s arms and faced him. He almost tore Michael’s cock off his body, as he urged Michael’s cock to shoot all over his. As Michael stood there, his legs almost collapsing beneath the power of his ejaculation, Damien dragged him in close and kissed him like he wanted to devour him.**

**Following that night, on the two or three random occasion they got naked together, Damien had been afraid he might let go like he had on that night in Colombia. He was afraid of scaring Michael away. The closest Damien had ever come to a relationship with a man was with John Porter. Damien really liked John and had cared about him but what they had together, certainly did not evoke the feelings that Michael could entice from within. With Michael, it was another story all together. On the occasions he got naked with Michael, Damien created a façade, a persona pretending it was just sex. Damien thought he had to maintain that pretense because he did not want to admit he wanted to have a normal life in the normal world but with Michael at his side.**

**Damien had never particularly thought of himself in regard to sexuality. It had never been about being this or that. Sex was sex and it was always good, something he made certain of by giving his all to the person and the moments of each encounter. Most people that knew him knew he fucked women like there was a limited quantity available, like he wanted to purchase as much stock as possible before it ran out. However, no one knew he also liked to fuck men; apart from the men he had fucked in the past. Generally the men and the women were the same; not just receptacles of his seed and his passion but also, people he could give at least a little of the emotion he imprisoned deep inside.**

**By comparison, there certainly had not been as many men as there had been women but like certain women, there had been certain men who had been more important than the majority whose bodies he had graced with lust. Prior to Damien’s time at Section Twenty, there had been a period of time when a man suddenly meant something more. John Porter had given Damien so much of himself but John had been locked in the many broken pieces of his life and eventually, whatever opportunity was available for something more, seemed to be lost to the distractions of John’s dismissive daughter, his angry wife and all the shit surrounding his job as a soldier. Occasional sex aside, soon he and John were just good friends.**

**Soon after arriving at Section Twenty and regardless of the trail of women he met along that path, two other men had caught his attention. The first was of course Michael Stonebridge. The problem was that irrespective of their connection to each other and regardless of Damien’s feeling that an opportunity existed; there was something all too familiar about Michael’s personal problems, which reminded Damien of John. It seemed safe and reasonable to maintain a more professional relationship while allowing only a solid friendship.**

**It was one night, though, in between missions and while Michael was going through hell regarding the loss of both Kerry and Kate, Damien went out to get drunk and to find another random woman to take home to fuck.**

**Damien shouted over the noise of the busy pub, “Liam, what the fuck are you doing here?**

**The handsome, younger man, turned around on hearing his name and his expression showed both surprise and yet caution before he replied, “I often come here to wind down after, well, you know.”**

**Damien nodded in regard to the safe and reasonable response while thinking that he knew nothing about this man. Liam Baxter was someone who was generally as quiet as a mouse, an unobtrusive man who seemed to merge into his surroundings and sometimes almost disappear. He was good at what he did and a great addition to the team but Damien suddenly realized the man was just a presence, a face with a surname.**

**Baxter was looking at Damien but thinking, _“I didn’t even realize you knew my first name.”_**

**Damien was looking at Baxter and thinking, _“Well, the pleasantries are over so now it’s time to say, ‘See you tomorrow,’_ however, he then thought it would be rude and so he said, “You want a drink?”**

**Baxter consciously controlled the shock from crossing his face and he said, “Sure, a beer would be great.”**

**After sitting down and talking about the previous mission for what seemed only a few minutes, the next thing Damien knew, two hours had passed and their one drink had turned into many. He also noticed that he had come to the conclusion that Baxter was a really nice guy. It was, though, in the last fifteen minutes that Damien noticed that Baxter seemed distracted, as his eyes kept moving to a certain place in the pub. When Baxter went to get them another drink, Damien watched him and caught him checking out another man. The man was not unlike Damien in appearance, tall, solid and very masculine and when Damien noticed Baxter adjusting his cock, as he stared at the man who did not seem to even know he was there, suddenly Damien was looking at Baxter in a very different way.**

**When Baxter returned and sat down with their drinks, Damien sat silently until Baxter turned and looked at the other man again. Damien looked over at the hot stranger and when Baxter looked back and saw him and realized, his eyes stared at Damien like they were blinded in the glare of approaching headlights.**

**Turning back to Baxter and grinning, Damien said, “It’s so often the quiet ones.”**

**Freaking out, Baxter said, “Damien, please, you can’t…”**

**“Mate, your secrets safe with me,” Damien said sincerely and smiled warmly.**

**After a brief yet revealing conversation, twenty minutes later while in Baxter’s home, Damien was pounding Baxter’s ass in every position. On that night, Damien realized that the phrase, “Always the quiet ones,” meant so much more than the meaning he had suggested earlier. When that secret door opened, Baxter was no longer quiet and instead, he was wild and rampant.**

**For a time, Damien and Liam met up and fucked regularly. They shared lots of wild nights in between Damien’s missions and his women and his so-called life. Then Liam started to fall for him and started to get serious. Damien was to have no idea but the situation was to become a lost opportunity. Partly because of how he felt about Michael, Damien told himself he did not feel the same about the younger man and then he told Liam they could not be together like that.**

**Damien liked Liam, a lot. Liam was a great guy. In so many ways they were compatible. When it came down to the truth, though, Damien was emotionally detached, he constantly argued the merits of hot sex over deep love and by then, there was also a man he referred to as Mikey.**

**Excuses came easily to Damien and so he told himself that he thought of Liam as the type of guy he could be good friends with; friends with benefits. It was not even about Liam, it was about Damien floating between his real world and his imagined world. He imagined a life with love and commitment but he made excuses to avoid those things as well. While Michael was safe because of his domestic problems, Liam was a threat because of his availability.**

**Months following and many changes later, as Michael and Damien were airlifted from an interstate in California, a true yet unspoken reason was born.**

**No one knew but it was the most influential reason for why Damien turned against Rachel Dalton. She had been there and she had watched Leo Kamali put a bullet into Baxter’s head. Damien had known that there was really nothing that Major Dalton could have done to stop Liam’s murder, short of being shot as well, however, in spite of what Damien did or did not want from Liam, they were secretly close and had often shared time. It was the sight of a man he had been naked and intimate with, being shot through the head on an unexpected video, which she had recorded. It had been a memory he would never be able to shake. Then, as Major Dalton became seemingly more desperate, thoughtless and careless, Damien’s feelings toward her became too much for him to dismiss.**

**Since then, there had occasionally been other men but no matter how many times or for whatever the reason and regardless of who the men were, there was just something about the way Mikey touched him, the way he held him and especially the way Mikey could make him blow on those rare occasions, even if Damien was pretending Michael was no more than a hot and fuckable piece of beef.**

**“Holy shit,” Damien said and then right there in the kitchen, he pulled his erection out of his briefs and began fucking his fist hard and fast. His ass fell back against the kitchen bench and his head rolled back as he stared at the ceiling. He was there, in the jungle and Mikey was behind him and holding him once again. Damien closed his eyes.**

**“Fuck me,” he said in disbelief of the way the feelings consumed him while his hand hammered his hard meat faster. “Oh, fuck yeah, fuck, Mikey.”**

**Damien’s head finally dropped forward again and his eyes opened. Once again, this time while he was awake and even though Michael was never actually there, Michael had brought him to a climax like no one else. The cupboard doors and the floor were striped and spotted and he reached for the roll of paper towel and began cleaning up his jiz.**

**Drinking from his coffee, he walked into the living room and looked out through the glass sliding doors and over the beach. Almost immediately, he saw Michael walking up the beach and stop in front of the house, facing the water. Damien could see Michael was sweat-covered and he realized he had been for a run. Dropping onto his ass, Michael began to drag at his runners to remove them and Damien knew he was going for a swim. Placing his half finished coffee on the nearby table, Damien ran to his bedroom, changed into a Speedo and than ran back to the glass doors. He slid them opened and ran out of the house and down onto the beach.**

**Just as Michael took his first few steps into the water and the waves began to hit his thighs, he heard a noise behind him but before he could even turn, arms were around him and a man’s body was all over his back and together they were crashing into the Pacific Ocean.**

**Michael yelled as he thrust himself out of the water, “What the fuck?”**

**All Michael heard was heavy laughter and as he turned around he saw Damien looking at him. He then saw the cheeky grin before it evolved into laughter again. Michael was momentarily frozen, his heart, his mind and his soul conquered by Damien Scott and then a moment later, he smiled back and said, “You fucking dick.”**

**“Aw, Mikey, don’t be like that, Buddy,” Damien said with an amusing yet endearing tone of voice.**

**Michael could not help himself and he laughed and shook his head. Damien stood up, dived and then began to swim out into deeper water. Instantly Michael dived as well and as he followed his mate, he felt a sense of satisfaction from the recognition of what was between them, as his heart was pleased to be alone with Damien again.**

**Facing the beach as they waded, Damien said, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”**

**“It’s great,” Michael replied.**

**“Finn certainly knows how to pick a place to live,” Damien said honestly. “It’d be great to own a place on the water and to live out the rest of our lives without all the stress and bullshit we became so used to, don’t you think,” he added, though there was a sense of uncertainty arguing in Damien’s mind, as he said it.**

**“It’d be great,” Michael replied, uncertainty in his mind as well.**

*******

**Finn sat on the concrete waiting, leaning against a wall outside of the amusement park. He had been there for over two hours but still he was alone. Finally, as he glanced off to his right, he saw Drew Clifford, a blonde and large-bodied, surfer dude, walking toward him. He began to smile but he wiped the expression away because he was pissed off with Drew for making him wait this long.**

**Don’t be angry with me,” Drew said as he closed the distance and then sat down on the concrete beside Finn, their shoulders touching.**

**Finn spat with irritation, “Where the fuck were you?”**

**“I couldn’t get away from Donna,” Drew replied.**

**“Fuck Donna,” Finn said angrily.**

**“Finn, this isn’t easy for me,” Drew said, feeling guilty.**

**“Do you want this or not? If this isn’t what you really want than tell me, Drew. I’m not prepared to sit around waiting while you fuck Donna,” Finn said.**

**“I wasn’t fucking her and I don’t want to fuck her,” Drew replied.**

**“So you don’t want to fuck her but you’re happy to spend time with her and leave me waiting for two hours without a word? The least you could’ve done was send me a text,” Finn said and turned and looked at Drew questioningly.**

**“I’m sorry, Finn.”**

**“Maybe you should just end it with her,” Finn suggested.**

**Drew asked, “So what am I supposed to say to her?”**

**“Tell her the truth,” Finn said softly.**

**“Yeah, right. I’ll tell you what. I’ll tell Donna when you tell your dad,” Drew said.**

**Finn turned and looked at Drew and said, “That’s different.”**

**Drew huffed and replied, “Yeah, of course it is. Tell me how it’s different, Finn?”**

**Finn sighed as he looked into Drew’s eyes. He turned away and picked up a stone and tossed it with frustration before he said, “It’s different because he’s my dad, my real dad, and I’ve only just found him and met him. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize keeping him. I need him, Drew. He’s great and he’s cool and I think he loves me and wants me around. I told you the story the first time I came here when you and I met at that party. You know how important this is to me.”**

**“Yeah, I do,” Drew replied.**

**“Back then I didn’t even know who he was or what he did. I thought everything I’d ever been told about him was just bullshit and also that he was an asshole. Just before I met you he called me and though I didn’t understand it and I wanted to hate him, something about the call and the few calls that followed, made me want to get to know him. Now I’ve met him and even though I know he doesn’t really know me, I want whatever is between us to become more,” Finn reiterated what Drew already knew.**

**“Yeah, I get that,” Drew replied.**

**“Drew, I also told you the day after we arrived here and moved into the house, everything that took place in Thailand and North Korea. Every single moment with him has changed my whole attitude about Damien.”**

**“It’s weird hearing you call your father by his first name,” Drew remarked.**

**“I know. I’m trying to break the habit. I call him Dad at home but I’ve been calling him Damien for so long that sometimes I just say it,” Finn explained.**

**“I have to say that after you told me what happened and who he really is, I guess I can understand the way you feel and why it’s so important to you. I didn’t mean it, Finn. I don’t expect you to tell him, I was just trying to take the pressure off me,” Drew admitted.**

**“I wanted to take you home with me today so I could introduce you to Dad and Michael. I guess that’s part of the reason why I got so pissed off that you were so late? Well, apart from the fact that you were with her,” Finn said.**

**“I like the feeling that your jealous but you’ve got nothing to be jealous of. You found me, remember? You saw through me at that party and you pulled me aside and told me you saw the way I was looking at you. Finn, you seduced me and you made me fall in love with you. I want to be with you; hell, I want to live with you and sleep with you every night but I was with Donna when we met. I knew I was gay but these first steps are hard for me. I’ve been lying for a long time, even when making excuses so I didn’t have to have sex with her. I’ve never fucked her, Finn. You have to be patient with me. I don’t want you to walk away and leave me and I promise I’ll do it but please, Finn, give me some time. I even tried lying to myself about how I felt about you but when you told me you got shot and I realized you could have died, well, that’s when I knew how I really felt about you. This last week has changed my life,” Drew said, his tone pleading.**

**Looking at Drew with a stunned expression, Finn asked, “You love me?”**

**“Of course I love you. You’re hot and sexy and warm and caring. I want you naked all the time. I can’t stop thinking about you, Finn.”**

**“I love you, too,” Finn said.**

**Drew smiled, looked around quickly to make sure no one was watching and then he grabbed Finn at the back of his head and pulled their lips together, kissing him hungrily.**

**“Damn, I want to fuck you, Drew,” Finn said after the kiss.**

**Drew smiled and countered, “Before or after you introduce me to your dad?”**

**“Before,” Finn replied and then he grabbed Drew’s arm and as he stood up, he pulled Drew to his feet. As he began to move hurriedly in the direction of Drew’s home, where they had been going for privacy while Drew’s parents were at work, he turned and looked at Drew again and said, “Definitely before but then again, I wouldn’t say no to afterwards, as well.”**

**Drew chuckled while walking with Finn agreeably and then he said, “Take me to bed, Finn.”**

**With anticipation filling both young men’s faces, they moved closer together and walking side-by-side, they headed down the street knowing they both felt the same.**

*******

**Lying on the beach beneath a hot, burning sun, skin against sand as they both stared up at the sky, Damien said, “How you doing, Mikey?”**

**“I’m good, Damien,” Michael replied with a tone lacking sincerity.**

**“Don’t feed me fish stories, Mate. You’re about as detached from reality as I’ve ever seen you. What’s going on, Mike?”**

**Michael felt his whole body contract and stiffen. He knew the tone in Damien’s voice was serious. He knew he was asking him a real question and that he was trying to get him to open up. Michael thought he had to answer and though his first thought for a response was true, he knew it was also a way to sidestep what was really on his mind.**

**“It’s really nice here and there’s something relaxing about living on the coast and right on the beach but Damien, there’s a Naval base practically on top of us and though it’s Navy, it’s still military and fundamentally we’re supposed to be in hiding.”**

**“There’s no place better to hide than right under the predator’s nose. It’s the last place they’d look or expect to find us,” Damien replied.**

**“Maybe, Damien. We still need to be cautious, though.”**

**“Mikey, it’s okay and it’ll be okay.”**

**“I hope so,” Michael replied softly and then sighed, feeling like he had diverted them from where Damien was trying to go.**

**“Mike, that was a good try but I’m not falling for it. What’s really going on with you? I feel like you’re avoiding me,” Damien said.**

**_“Say anything to avoid this,”_ Michael thought.**

**“It’s not easy, Damien. I know you feel the same, how could you not. This isn’t the life we signed up for. I mean, of course I get it and understand what’s happened but there’s almost an insular feeling to the detachment of where we are in our lives. I miss the way things were. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I miss the political bullshit, I miss trying to save the world and I miss you and I,” he paused briefly and then added, “at each other’s side and doing what we’re told needs to be done. Sometimes this quiet is deafening,” Michael said.**

**“Yeah, Mike, I do feel the same. I miss having a gun in my hand as well. I miss the action and knowing you’ll be there to back me up. I miss it too, Mikey.”**

**Damien lifted his back from the sand and propped himself up with his arms behind him. He stared at the water and then said, “I sort of feel like I’m sitting on a fence. I’m enjoying the time with Finn and I can’t deny it. Part of me wants to stay with him forever but another part of me just wants to get a call and be ordered to be somewhere, to be briefed on a situation and then to get out there and do something about it.”**

**Michael lifted his body and mimicked Damien’s pose, staring at the water as well. He felt sure he had done enough to divert attention. He then turned his head and looked at Damien’s profile and said, “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”**

**Damien turned and their eyes met. His first thought was of the dream and so he said, “Most of the time we’re on the same page, Mike, it’s why we’re so good together.”**

**Michael smiled and said, “Copy that, D.”**

**Damien questioned, “D?”**

**“I didn’t realize I said that. It’s just how I sometimes refer to you in my head. It’s a type of shorthand, so to speak,” Michael lied.**

**Damien smiled a soft smile. He liked the sound of the initial as a name. He also found himself wishing there were more to it.**

**The eye contact from Damien was intense and Michael felt unsettled, as this man beside him got even further under his skin. He stood up, looked down at Damien and said, “Come on, let’s take another dip to rinse off the sand and then go inside.**

**“This is cool, Mikey. I like spending some time with you like this. Stop being so detached and keeping to yourself, we’re in this together like everything else so talk to me when something’s bothering you.”**

**Michael thought, _“Shit, I wish I could”_ but as he realized how intensely he was staring at Damien and how the near-naked body in a Speedo was filling his peripheral vision, he turned toward the water abruptly and began to walk toward the water’s edge.**

**Damien looked at the body of the man who was beginning to consume his mind. He thought of the dream again and then he jumped to his feet, ran down the sand and literally picked Michael up in his arms without stopping, before once again he threw both of them into the ocean.**

**“For fuck’s sake,” Michael said, as he lifted his head above the water and located Damien grinning in front of him.**

**“You look upset. What’s up, Mikey?”**

**“God you’re an ass at times,” Michael said and then he sprang up and lunged forward, his arms wrapping around Damien as his body crashed on top of him, submerging them both beneath the surface. Both men sprang up onto their feet still wrapped around each other and wrestling, trying to gain dominance while unknowingly, both secretly wanted to submit.**

**Laughing, they both fell again, two men’s bodies wrapped tight but when Michael felt his heat begin to rise, along with a certain appendage, he broke free, dived, swam a few strokes away and then stood and said, “Come on” and then he was walking out of the water and back toward the house.**

**Damien watched him momentarily while remaining still and adjusting the erection in his Speedo. His hardness dissipating, he finally stood up, a little relieved although very disappointed and a moment later he was following Michael back to the house.**

*******

**When the call came late that afternoon, it was the first time the house phone had ever rang. Michael picked up the receiver hesitantly but when he heard Finn’s voice he relaxed immediately.**

**“What’s up, Finn,” he asked.**

**“Hey Mike. Listen, I’m with a friend and I’ve been given an offer to have dinner and stay the night at his parent’s place. I should be home late tomorrow morning, around eleven. Can you let Dad know? I know he thinks I can’t see it but I know he’s always worrying about me, so can you tell him I’m fine, safe and in no danger,” Finn said and laughed.**

**Michael chuckled but was pleased that Finn was aware and being responsible and so he said, “Yeah, sure, no problem. Thanks for calling to let us know.”**

**Finn laughed even more loudly and then said, “Okay Dad, say hi to Mom for me. Bye,” he finalized and then ended the call.**

**Michael stood frozen, holding the phone and staring at it, uncertain about the meaning behind Finn’s words. Insecurely, he wondered if Finn had somehow managed to see through him and if that was what the remark was about. However, somewhere deep inside of him, the thought of Damien and him together with Finn as their son, somehow felt nice. At that moment, Damien walked into the room immediately after leaving the shower, still wet but with a towel around his hips. On seeing Michael’s expression he said, “Shit, what’s wrong?”**

**Michael glanced at his mate’s half-naked body, noticing the droplets of water on the flesh he wanted to touch. Catching himself, Michael adjusted his eyes up to Damien’s and said, “Nothing. That was Finn and he called to say he was having dinner and staying at a friend’s house tonight. He said he’d be home late morning.”**

**“A sleepover? Man, I forget how young he is sometimes, I keep looking at him and thinking he’s like twenty-one or something,” Damien remarked.**

**“Sometimes he sounds like it,” Michael agreed.**

**Damien shot Michael a curious glance and asked, “Why? Did he say something?”**

**“He suggested he knew how much you worried about him, asked me to put you at ease and then he called me Dad and referred to you as Mom,” Michael clarified.**

**“Cheeky little shit,” Damien said and they both laughed. “So, if Finn’s gone for the night, what in hell are we going to do tonight, then?”**

**With Finn’s remark in mind, responding spontaneously and according to their occasional lighthearted banter, Michael teased, “Well, Mrs Stonebridge, how about I take you out for a romantic dinner for two.”**

**Damien laughed and then thinking quickly he asked, “Are you going to get me drunk and then take advantage of me when we get home, Darling?”**

**Michael stared at Damien while thinking how much he would like to. Even so, he believed Damien was just playing along and so he said, “Oh Honey, I’m going to take you where no man has gone before.”**

**“Promises, promises, Mikey,” Damien said with lustful eyes.**

**Michael looked at Damien almost shocked. The tone he heard was a tone he recognized as serious but still he thought he must be mistaken and so joking once again he said, “You’re such a slut, Mrs Stonebridge.”**

**Without pause or even the blink of an eye, Damien replied, “Satisfy me, lover” and then he grinned, turned and left the room once again.**

**Michael’s mouth fell open, as he watched the broad, tanned, wet and strong back moving away. His eyes dropped to the curve of the ass beneath the towel and his mind skipped quickly to the memory of being pressed against him, Damien’s cock in his hand as he held him. Instantly, Michael realized Damien had given him a raging bone.**

*******

**“I can’t believe our luck,” Finn said with a huge smile and then he stared at Drew libidinously.**

**Drew asked, “What are you talking about?”**

**“Your parents are gone until tomorrow afternoon and we’ve got the whole house to ourselves to play. On top of that, Dad and Michael aren’t expecting me home and also, Michael didn’t even think to ask me for a phone number or address in case of emergencies. Drew, we’ve got fifteen or so uninterrupted hours alone, let’s not waste a second, Finn said.**

**Acting, Drew gave Finn the most innocent look and said, “So what are we going to do?”**

**“Everything,” Finn replied, as he dragged his t-shirt over his head and then pulled Drew into his arms and against his naked chest.**

*******

**When Michael and Damien arrived home after going out for dinner, the two men’s arms were around each other’s shoulders, holding each other upright. They were laughing as they staggered drunkenly to the front door. Damien dropped the key as he tried to insert it into the lock. Michael picked the key up and tried to open the door a second time, only to drop the key as well.**

**“We could always sleep out here on the front porch,” Damien said and chuckled.**

**“You sleep naked,” Michael replied, as Damien bent down and retrieved the key again.**

**“So do you, Mike. Still, I’m game if you are. We could always snuggle to keep each other warm,” Damien said and then the sound of the tumblers rolling could be heard, as the key slid into the lock.**

**“One way or another, Damien Scott always gets it in the hole,” Michael said and laughed.**

**“Too right, Mikey, it’s important to always hit the target.”**

**“Good luck with that tonight, you can barely stand,” Michael replied.**

**“Actually, I wouldn’t mind a bit right now, Mike.”**

**“Damien, you’re always up for a bit.”**

**“I’m certainly up at the moment. Gotta say, though, I dunno how I’d make it to my bed and get naked, Mike. I think I’d need some help,” Damien said pointedly, as he pushed the front door open and swung his arm back over Michael’s shoulder.**

**The men staggered through the doorway and as Michael pushed the front door closed, Damien flicked the light switch so they could see.**

**“Want another drink,” Damien asked.**

**“I think we’ve both had enough. Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Michael replied.**

**Standing next to the bed, Damien wrapped his arms around Michael and as he dropped his head onto Michael’s shoulder he said, “Thanks, Mikey, I can always count on you to be there for me. It works both ways, Mikey. You know that, right? You know I’d do anything for you, right?”**

**“Of course I do. We’re partners,” Michael replied.**

**“We’re more than partners, at least we are to me,” Damien said, once again pointedly.**

**Michael swallowed from the unqualified remark but then he undid the buttons on Damien’s shirt and then slid it away from his body. He allowed his hands to slide over Damien’s skin, feeling his strong body in the process. He then unhooked Damien’s arms from around him and with a simple nudge, he allowed Damien to fall onto his back on the bed.**

**Damien looked up at Michael and with a grin he said, “Oh Mikey, you’re so assertive.”**

**Michael chuckled while rolling his eyes and then he crouched down to unlace and remove Damien’s shoes and socks. When he stood back up, he looked at Damien’s eyes, which were staring at him, so full and needful. Damien’s gaze unsettled Michael to his core and so he looked away, focusing on the button and zipper of Damien’s pants. He unhitched them and then started dragging the pants and briefs down and away from his legs.**

**As Michael’s eyes journeyed back upwards, he saw the thick and very hard meat bobbing up and down above Damien’s gut; it’s movements like a buoy in the ocean. With a swift adjustment of his eyes, Michael looked directly to Damien’s eyes but they were closed. Michael stood up and while almost frozen, his gaze moved up and down, taking in the handsome face, the strong body and Damien’s incredible cock.**

**In those moments that felt like he was now alone, Michael wished he and Damien were somewhere else in the world. He wanted this to be one of their encounters; no words spoken, no stigma or limitations while intense feelings and hot sex took place. This, though, seemed too real. This was their home and this could not be like that. He then thought, _“This is what I want, though, not that.”_**

**A heavy sac with two very obvious nuts hung down between two large thighs and a big chest lifted and fell with heavy breaths between two strong arms. The chest hair and the light carpeting down Damien’s stomach led to a trimmed bush surrounding a large, circumcised erection.**

**Michael knew at that moment that though what he really wanted was Damien the person; seeing him naked, hard and unconscious, he thought the person’s body would be icing on top. Feeling the love, the respect and now the desire all as a whole, it was more than Michael’s mind could cope with. He felt like all his control had left him and then with a decision he could hardly believe he had made; he stripped out of his clothes hurriedly.**

**While once again standing still and staring, in spite of what he was certain he had been about to do; second guessing himself, even though he was within arms reach, Michael would not allow himself to move. He continued to stand naked and look down at this man, looking at his body and his cock so wantonly. Suddenly, though, Michael thought they were both too drunk and he used that excuse to justify to his mind it was wrong.**

**Turning away, his uncircumcised cock standing so hard and tall that the foreskin had drawn back to reveal the entire head, Michael’s hunger for Damien ached. His cock throbbed while he hated that he was walking away. Reaching the doorway he flicked off the light switch but then incongruously, he stood still, arguing with himself not to leave.**

**Damien’s eyes opened, barely revealing his disappointment in the subtly illuminated room. He looked to the doorway and stared at the large man, a naked silhouette between darkness and light. Behind his closed eyes he had been waiting for Michael’s body to touch his, to join with his, before the light had been extinguished.**

**Damien watched, seeing his friend like a statue in the doorway, not leaving but not returning either. How he wanted Michael to feel what he felt. How he wanted Michael to want what he wanted. How he wanted the dream of the Colombian jungle to become a reality right here in his bed tonight.**

**“Mikey,” Damien said softly.**

**Michael’s body flinched from the unexpected voice. He had thought Damien had passed out and now he wondered what Damien thought about seeing him standing naked in his bedroom doorway. He did not know if he should walk away without a word or if he should turn and face him with a response that did not exist.**

**“Don’t go,” Damien said, softly again.**

**_“Oh God,”_ Michael thought.**

**“I know we’re not on some mission, I know we’re not alone and uncertain of whether we’ll make it home. I know this wouldn’t be random but Mikey, I really need you right now, I need the closeness and I, I, I want you, Mikey.”**

**The few seconds that followed seemed like an eternity. Michael really was frozen, his mind ablaze, his doubts and uncertainties an inaudible cacophony filling his mind. Every cell of his body was ordering him to turn around and to go to Damien, in spite of the questions of how this could be and how this could work.**

**Damien said nothing. He was holding his breath and begging in the silence that everything he had always avoided and everything he had always been afraid to do, would somehow, right here and right now, become what he knew at the core of his being was what he wanted. When his body finally ordered him to breathe and after he took the silent breath, he said, “Mikey, stay with me, don’t leave.”**

**Michael turned around. Still a black silhouette with the light behind him, he stared at his friend, the light from the living room enough to make Damien visible, his naked body in the same position and the large cock still erect and so hard. Slowly, Michael began to walk, moving deeper into Damien’s bedroom.**

**Damien stared, watching Michael turn, instantly aware of the erection as he stood side on to the light. Excited, he watched the approach of his naked friend and he felt his heart begin to beat faster in his chest. He knew this was not random, he knew it was not tension relief in the wild and he also believed that if Michael reached the bed and lay down with him, both of their worlds would definitely change.**

**The journey from the doorway to the bed was less than two meters but it, too, seemed another eternity. Halfway there, Michael almost turned away but at the last moment, he made his decision and seconds later, the men were chest-to-chest, arms embracing and their lips pressed before both men felt an overwhelming sense of relief.**

**Sometime later, when the emotion subsided at least a little and before the specific acts of sex began; Michael, who was now beneath Damien and succumbing to him, forced their lips apart. He looked up into Damien’s eyes and he said, “What exactly is this, I mean, what exactly are we doing here?”**

**Suddenly Damien felt like he was no longer drunk. Suddenly his mind was clear and felt so rational and certain. He stared down at Michael and he said, “Mike, for me, this, right here and now, is something that has been growing since day one. I don’t know what it is but I know that even though it scares the shit out of me, still I know what I want it to be.”**

**Michael asked, “What do you want it to be?”**

**“More,” Damien replied.**

**Michael could barely believe Damien’s response but as he continued to stare up into the dagger gaze of those eyes, which could slice into him with such ease, he whispered, “Damien, tonight could be the beginning or it could be the end. Are you sure you want to go down this path?”**

**“Mikey, we’ve been through so much together and we’ve always come out in one piece. You and I have figuratively carried the world on our shoulders at times and even now we don’t know what tomorrow holds in store for us. Whitehall, the CIA or just some asshole could fuck our lives in an instant. Only days after you stared down at me fighting in Kuala Lumpur, for the first time since I became a soldier, I no longer felt alone. Mikey, you’re my friend, you’re my partner and you’ve become my home. With or without this next step, my heart is yours. I can’t make promises about tomorrow when life could decide I have none. What I can do, though, is tell you that this path, as you call it, is a path I want to take. Thing is, it’s in your hands. Tell me if you don’t want to try.”**

**“What about Finn?”**

**“Honestly, Mike, somehow I don’t think he’d care. Something inside of me suspects he’d be accepting of whatever we were to each other.”**

**“It sounds like you’ve given this some thought,” Michael said.**

**Damien gave a half-laugh and said, “Actually, Mike, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I’ve never known for certain if what I felt about our connection was because of what we’ve been through together or because it was real. So often I thought I was imagining something because of some deep need inside of me but then, sometimes it seemed like something that was impossible to deny or ignore. Even so, I was so worried I’d scare you away if I said it out loud.”**

**“Shit, Damien, in all the time we’ve known each other, I’ve never heard you talk from the heart so openly.”**

**“Well, it seems like now is the right time but Mike, in your usual way, you’re diverting away from my question. Do you want this, too? Is this even a possibility for you?”**

**“Damien, yeah, I’ve thought about it. To be honest, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time as well. It’s only been in recent times, though, since I began to realize what you meant to me and how I feel about you. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing control of myself but every time I even think about walking away, I realize that without you I feel like I have no control at all.”**

**“So is that a yes, Mikey?”**

**Michael looked up with irritation from the way Damien had cut through all the detail, bringing it all down to a single question. However, at the same time, Michael knew how easily he could tie himself up in knots by over-thinking everything.**

**“Damien, yeah, I guess it’s a yes. I mean I know this is what I want but I also know… No, I mean… Fuck, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just want…”**

**Damien smiled and then he simply lowered his head and brought their lips together. Instantly, the kiss exploded into passion, which exploded into hunger for each other. Neither man considered roles, nor what was or was not okay; all each man knew was they were where they wanted to be, together in each other’s arms and moments away from taking whatever this was to another level all together.**

**Amidst the hungry kiss, the grinding erections and the heavy petting of four strong hands, as if entering into an alternate reality, the life they knew faded away, as a bubble of lust and love and desire surrounded their bodies. Everything that had gone before no longer mattered. It was Damien Scott and Michael Stonebridge alone on a deserted island. There were no rules, there were no limitations and there was only a sense of freedom and satisfaction.**

**Together, alone and naked, it was no different to when they were together, alone and on a mission. They were partners, in essence there was no seniority and as always, they did whatever was required. Versatile, they each gave and received everything and as the night slid by, they made love amidst the equality that had always existed between them. Everything about them was different but that had always been what made them what they were.**

**In the end, as they lay wrapped around each other, in silence, both men wondered what tomorrow would hold. Each man knew that what was discovered in that bed, had existed for a very long time, however, now it had been given a face to be recognized. The question was, could both men accept the obvious or would one or both run for their lives.**

*******

**When Michael’s eyes opened the next morning, Damien was wrapped around him, spooning him, his arms holding him warmly.**

**Michael thought, _“Shit, what have I done? Could this really work?”_**

**Instantly his thoughts rang out in his mind, as he remembered the words he had said to Damien the night before, _“This could be the beginning or it could be the end.”_ Even though he knew the former option was what he wanted more than anything, still the fear of the latter option made him feel like he could not breathe. He slid from Damien’s warm embrace and stood up quietly from the bed. Glancing down at Damien, Michael knew this was what he wanted, however, regardless of the green light of their words and actions, still the amber light of the doubts, the questions and the uncertainties overflowed within his mind. As he walked toward the doorway of Damien’s bedroom, his pessimism grew while allowing himself to think that this was the end of everything that had been for so long.**

**Michael knew it was irony at its purist. He had followed Damien to the States, to Vegas and to San Diego, all so he could be right where he was now, however, now that he actually had what he wanted, for some reason that he really did not understand, he could not just give into it and let go.**

**_“Section Twenty is done and dusted and now, Scott and Stonebridge are done and dusted as well,”_ he thought.**

**“It’s for the best, D,” he whispered and then disappeared through the doorway.**


End file.
